Just before our 26th wedding anniversary my wife told me she no longer wanted to be in a relationship. As I said I honestly never intended this and I also didnt realize she was hurt as she tends to respond emotionally to most things We separated, married other people, which we both confessed to each were the wrong people. I received deployment orders to head to Africa for a rapid response unit to help combat the Ebola virus and contain it by building ETU facilities. We believe that is best left to our members. There is no shame in seeking professional support from a counselor or therapist if you need or want it; help is available. My husband left me and I am wondering how you are feeling? I was unemployed a year after leaving the Army due to a medical retirement. I couldnt imagine it being so tough. So I left him and came back to my house. And if she cant see that its her loss. You can also visit her website Mint Movement here. At some point its not worth wondering about your spouse because you can never really rationalize behavior that stems from this kind of illness. It is actually just a natural part of my nature. If you are married and these things happen, underlying all of it, if there is a commitment to stay the course, and do the work to overcome these sorts of issues, couples can come back from all sorts of problems. the other part of me knows that he will never accept the blame or even address it so I am not kidding myself. He ask me to hire someone to put his things in storage. The same applies to young men who can be fooled by a charming female sociopath/narcissist. Honor yourself and keep your integrity through this process. He said that over the years we relied too much on each other and have nothing to show for it. We spoke daily our entire relationship and had never even apart more than a few days. Please know that you are always free to consult with a different therapist if you feel that your current therapist is unable to meet your needs. I ate a chocolate mousse cake not that long ago! My husbanda and u got married at a very young age, I was 20 and he was 23. But things with him have never been logical. I wrote u because I feel your pain. Remember you have to guard your heart and say off the spiders web or else youll be a victim again. My heart is broken beyond repair. So I told her last week this crap isnt right and if she wants to be single every weekend than I cant be there at all and we will be zero contact at all. I dont doubt she cares for you, but you cannot have your cake and eat it too. I was so in love and i realize it now that shes gone. Instead of moving on and doing whats best for themselves, they take out all their anger and sadness on anyone who will listen to them. I am livid with her, but at the same time I love her, and would do anything to be able to sort things out and get us back together. Or did you make a massive mistake that ended a wonderful relationship for good? You cant give up hope because numbing yourself will only numb you to joy as well. Over the years we had many issues. She lives about an hour and a half away. They don't feel appreciated. So sorry for what you are going through. When your children were young, you probably used to have fun and spend time with them. A cheater will only admit to what they think you already know and usually they wont divulge all the details. She returns for a few days. I was so fearful of it returning that I wound up taking the gabapentin for seven months before daring to discontinue it. My husband of 6 years packed his clothing and left after telling me that we do not have future together after I did not find a career job and was in a car accident. I am just wondering something just seems very off. We started counseling and the counselor, who he choose, told him he was focused on the wrong things and needed to work on re-connecting with me. Trust me. I want move out of state or go back to my country but, i also have a little hope that in a few months she will change her mind WHY??? "I can't please you. I forgave him as this exact thing had happened in my first marriage (all that he knew already ) he had convinced me that my ex was a looser and that I should never doubt or mistrust HIM when all the time he was covering up that he had no feelings or empathy for anyone else but himself. In fact I think I hate him more now than I did then. He would tell me no babe stop tripping and l really started thinking l was tripping. I have been married just for 8 months and my husband has abandoned the house. My experience was so unbelievable that I was in shock, I was diagnosed with PTSD later on. Slightly distant. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. I was in the same situation. 5. Her husband left her too because he has another woman. We have tried marriage counciling but are in a state of wait and see. He was my best friend, and had promised we could co-parent., My childs father was leaving me. But, the remarkable thing that I want to share, pertinent to this discussion, and the particular issue of people who just *wont/cant* get over a particularly traumatic breakup/abandonment is this: AS A BY-PRODUCT OF THE SUCCESS OF THE NEURONTIN ON MY PHYSICAL PAIN, THE OTHER THING THAT AMAZINGLY DISAPPEARED, WAS THE PAIN AND OBSESSION OF THAT THIRTY-YEAR TORCH I WAS CARRYING. Finally, I embraced it., I thought I was a goner and my story was coming to an end. Well, whatever the case may be, this article is for you. Maybe there were reasons you didnt want to put energy and time into the relationship, or perhaps you felt like it was your partners job as much as yours. Anytime l confronted him about anything l was TRIPPING. My two closest friends both claim that if he said jump I would ask how high so I think I was attentive especially when he asked me for special items for dinner or what not I always make sure he had his request fufilled. You can meet new people, try new things, and pursue your dreams . I dont think he was doing anything but chatting to this girl, but still it someone triggered his desire to be unburdened from the responsibility of having a family (we have 3 children). If a man is wondering, looking, you can almost bet he is cheating. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. I know it sounds like a hard thing to hear, but sometimes when people get divorced their whole lives change. He isnt coming back and I have accepted that as he has now told me so many times now and he just a new life without me in it. Permission to publish granted by Andra Brosh, PhD. My wife and I have been together every day for 28 years.Married for 24 this Jan 1st and we lived together for 4 years. Constantly points out my flaws and still shows no remorse at all for the horrific things she has done to our family. Its been almost 2 years and for the last 3 days Im an emotional wreck, this shouldnt hurt this much this far along. 1. Meet all your needs for your relationship and pieces of life advice with my articles. Just have to keep moving forward. I wish I just could stop thinking about it. Thanks cassieD.I feel no more,Like i am dead.I have tried therapy.nothing is helping.i feel like there is no hope for me. The strategies Brad reveals are extremely powerful and might make the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy divorce. Although I was half expecting it in the weeks leading up to the night we separated, the impact was greater than anything I have experienced. He wanted to book a holiday for me and my daughter( not his child bit they have become so close she shes him and loves him like s dad) and stay in the house with us pretend everything was fine and tell my daughter before we went away that we were splitting up and he would be gone when we got back,!! She has of course admitted adultery yet refuses to accept this in the papers and has filled against me. I am drowning in my grief. I always stood by her even with her legal issues and her mental problems. If you want to get over the pain and suffering, the best thing you can do is forgive your husband and move on with your life. It double complicates the matter when youre a Christian, because the Bible says, Whom God has put together, let man not separate. betrayal and lies are very tough, especially if you never get to address things, and never have real closure. I did not seek another relationship because I honoured my commitments and the Lord but in 2016 my husband finally disclosed that he was suffering from Cancer. We have two girls 5 and 8. I cant imagine being in this apartment we have been in for so long together and staring at all the memories and these walls and being able to move on and be happy. Since I found out he always shuts me down/pushes me away. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. I said that is fine, i am done with always fighting with you. And you will get there. Apostle Paul said we humans face the test of times because we are like animals. I feel that in order to keep him in our lives I must accept her too. Hello all im still Jon.and yes Im still sad and miserable and confused and lonely.. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. Ive never heard or read this suggested, but according to my own experience and analysis of it, I think it may have merit. Maybe that was the final straw. Anger. My wife left me 5 days ago and I do not know what to do with myself I have no control over their daily lives with her I can only be thankful her parents are so actively involved in her life which she has thus far been able to suck the life out of them to the point I dont think they will last much longer. My Dad is strong, and my Mother is even stronger. He drove all the way home at midnight. I have been with my love for 18 years and married him by church back on 9-10-11, 10 days ago left me for his high school sweetheart. Then in 2014 it got really bad . After 24 years of marriage, and 27 years of being together, my wife told me she no longer was in love with me. Thats not a man.. I hope to find a better job and will be the best dad I can be to my kids. Look for ways you were critical or controlling. Keep your mouth closed at all times. Hi Kelly, how are you doing these days? I was with my ex wife for 18 years 13 of marriage. I am humiliated, devastated and heartbroken he would replace me so quickly. I caught her having phone sex with a boyfriend from 40 years ago. Then what, it is just so sad. I kiss a picture of us as a family every night, kiss the wedding rings she left and wish on a star for us as a family. 5 years ago I started to discover and figure out that my wife was a substance abuser,drug addict with prescription meds, narssasis, pathological liar. Well then I would follow up at the dirt cheap stores where she was getting this butane from and I was able to get identification that she was still purchasing this stuff. I went to visit her and we really hit it off I havent overcome anything yet. My names James, Im 25. My husband from the time they were little. She tells me that that even though her and I have a fabulous connection and relationship, she still is lonely for her family. They will keep you occupied to not think about how bad you feel, at least some of the time. He has been gone for about six months now. Dont tell her youre hiring a lawyer, and hire one anyway if you need to. Here's expert intel on why you mightve been ghosted plus what to do about it. Or when it is convenient. It feels a bit embarrassing to except the money that she wants me to have, but at this time with my current situation, I need it. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. I feel now I am stuck either serving my x to her wishes just to see my children but never afford it. Its like he wants to keep me down. I was willing and able to do what it took, but he was committed to the fact that it wouldnt work. First of all i feel sorry for you i know where your coming from.my wife left me after 16 yrs. But I will not allow someone to make an inaccurate statement about people with personal disorders. Im a good person, loving, caring, giving and trustworthy. Giving praises, compliments, hugs, kisses and other affections are normal. I explained I couldnt make it and walked away. Hope this helps. He also uses the excuse that my 2 sons, not his btw, are too much for him to handle. She has quite a few friends and is self reliant. Its been hard. I will follow this for now. He just kept saying it was his problem. I later learned this depression likely stemmed from him not wanting to leave his son, but feeling like he was stuck in a marriage he didnt want to be in. I feel like having the high moral ground vindicates me but the article recommends not using it. He is a best-selling author and shares valuable marriage advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel. Glantz MJ, et al. Hi, another in the same boat, was with my partner for 8 years, we had had a rough year as his hours were dropped to 3 days, then he got suspended, then sacked , secured him a job at where i work, his mum extremely ill and died recently, stuck with him through all this and then 2 months ago he literally stood up and said he didnt know what he wanted and went, phone contact for a while now zilch, nothing, have asked in a text as he not speaking ( so didnt want to mither) if were done yes or no ? She wouldnt let me see them anymore and everything got so much worse. I just cant believe its the same person. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. I went into shock.. Families dont have to be mother, father, children. Then I cant get in touch,feels weird and horrible. I was left in April, with two teenagers for a man who claims he wasnt happy for 10 years. and more lately photos on the Internet with him on holiday with a past flirt that came to light on a social net work . He said he filed for divorce and that was a blow to my heart after he told me he was not even considering it. Thank you for this article your right about anything, Im so depressed right now because my husband of 4 years leaves me for the reason that he doesnt love me at all. I am well aware shes had a difficult life, as have I, and from the moment we started dating I let her know I was always there for her. Guest blog from 'Paul' - a man whose marriage ended because of his wife's menopause. But dont torture yourself. Hi John, dear lord. "My husband left me because he was unhappy" can be a common thought when you're struggling with such abandonment. Same happen to me when my husband left me but with the great help of great mutaba my husband came back to me. Hi Andy It would of been 10 years of marriage this year. I am 38 and my husband 52 walk out on me while I am work. Then I returned to the essence of me. Must be so difficult to know that you gave up all this time and energy and money to only be crapped on by someones narcissism. He has no emotion or seems to even care. I cant eat, sleep or focus at work. But the two most common triggers of severe dog depression are the loss of a companion animal or the loss of an owner. We have always gotten along great,In every way,always had fun together.The good times outnumber the bad. You dont want to have to recover from both. My boyfriend of 24 yrs left me and our kids two months ago, we have two daughters that live with us one is 22yrs old and the other one is 23 yrs old and she is terminal ill who needs 24 hr care. The self centered traits of the narcissistic parent gets worse and they seem not to care if their mask is off in the end ! With only being a year apart. Things like eating right, exercising, therapy, meditation, massage, friends, family Anything to get better Its horrible.. Sometimes, experiences that create lifestyle overhauls can put new, unexpected strain on relationships. If there is another woman hes talking to you probably want to know that sooner than later so dont be afraid to confront him on it. I would take a stand and approach this situation head on. My wife and I have a 2 year old son. It's Over. It kinda helps. I actually became suicidal because I was so worried about what I . It doesnt matter what they look like, the color of their skin, or the gender they identify with. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. I have been in counseling, a divorce support group and working everyday to believe that I am of value. He is not the problem; I am. Until recently she was a loving stepmother to them. I still love him but at the same time I have to learn to stand by myself. So, i had to ask my family for money. There are all kinds of ways to tell if people are depressed. Any youths on how to cope welcome. I questioned her about it and she denied it. They are just girls. Throughout this ordeal I have been understanding, not dramatic at all, calm and have not said much when he tries to engage me in a fight. I guess theres a lot of money being made in the divorce and recovery business encouraging people like my ex wife to wreck our families. May God bless us with someone who really loves us and cares about us. It made me feel sick. You will be fine. Contact a lawyer, or find a friend who knows one. You just have to get there. Please. I asked him to move out before we settle divorce as I want to respect myself not wanting to wait till august to see if there are really both in live. But if you cannot have her sort what you want with the kids and remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can so you can focus on your kids and studies. God the waves of dispair are so crushing. its been a rough go since 2013. She refuses to answer her phones and when I do get her mom to go there, she refuses to see our child even when I dropped off at her moms which is super close. I saw people that appear to be in other countries on here. It took me 27 years to realize I had married a narcissist . Living is not living unless you are truly living, being respected and happy. She is married too and both of us have two small children. For me Im hoping we can get back to normal but there is some doubt. What happened was, my ex husbands lawyer kept canceling the hearings, four months later they just dropped the case, by then I was so distraught. When everyone had left he told me how much he loved me , how proud he was of me. I am caught between being committed to get through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff and being tired of all the conflict and chaos. I had to get my own account because he kept taking huge amounts of money out of our joint account without even saying anything about it or what it was for. *the relationship feels like too much work. You wont even bother to try to communicate with him and find your self at peace not playing into his emotional abuse games. Dont let her make you crazy. I did it all. I got your comment. Well I agree that these might be some of the reasons people leave, but I disagree with the coping responses. I cry more for my son who looks confused and thinks when Im on the phone its daddy. If you noticed, we mentioned reading self-help books. Even if there appears on the surface to be an obvious and uncomfortable reason, your brain will search for answers that feel satisfying and rational. Moffa, now 76, had been married 52 years, and . She tells me she is not sure who she wants to be with. I feel for you. Her boss can have her, she will do the same thing to him. Just found out my husband of almost 9 years is cheating on me online with a gay person. We had had a very hard year and the month before he left he had told me he was unhappy and was considering leaving because he was so unhappy and I was making him miserable. Apparently, they had worked together at his previous location and she lived in our new location and worked in an adjacent area. I had also convinced myself that her and the neighbour had had sex rather than just touching. This is tearing me apart. And how the friends of a man or woman who then leaves there partner for another is accepted. How are you feeling today? My husband did the same thing to me. I am glad she is back on her meds finally I guess I am just hurting knowing she feels fine while Im a mess. and there is hope. Our two oldest sons, fifteen and nineteen are going to live with him. Her parents were in denial as my wife was they also live 31/2 hrs away which is no excuse when I begged for their support. It hurts because i love him. I am so sorry you are going true this, I am feeling your pain. I was born with mine. cheat ,refuse to except your responabillity dont come crying when the shit hits the fan and nobody wants nothing to do with you .I love my kids still love my wife and will do anything to make their live good I wish her all the best with the new man but fear , a relationship built on lies and deceit is a disaster waiting to happen .Good luck to all who have been cheated on I wish you all the happiness you can find be strong and trust in yourself , trust me nobody but you can make this better so walk with head held high feel proud that you didnt sink to their level best of luck one mightily piss off deserted husband. As the weeks turn into Month I am beginnning to think it was for the best. Three years ago, when Carol Moffa divorced her husband after, she says, putting up with a lot of "crap" over the years, she was downright scared. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. my wife just left me refused to talk or tell our two children and left it all to me in the midst of all my anger and hurt this has caused my kids to completely disown their mother even thou I have asked and beg them to have contact and an on going relationship with her . By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are beyond frustrated that their husband is moping around the house and putting his unhappiness on full display. Im starting to think he has someone else but he says not I cant believe he would do this to me so am I just being paranoid because I cant accept that he just doesnt love me anymore or is it a possibility because it seems like he has somewhere else to go I have never felt so humiliated in all my life. So take the time to accept your new life and move on with things the best way you can. .. Its just awful. All the sudden a the end of the 30 days, he wanted to come home and go to counseling. She has also began lying, eg i found out she was seeing a counsellor, she said they were actually friends, but I have seen she has been paying her fees on her bank statements. Both child services and the police realized the inaccuracies and now I have our son full time. Do not let what God has put together be destroyed by a man/woman or their actions. Btw He also says they wont get by with their adultery! We told her, No, we havent noticed. She simply said, Well, he does, and walked straight out of the room. My husband of over 14 years left two weeks ago. for some of us who hates dating and hate being with other people. If its meant to be it will happen! Im 59 shes 49. My wife began threatening me with divorce over little things years ago. Just type online discussion forums into any search engine and youll find plenty of forums that can help you get through this. I just want her to call me & tell me its going to be ok but she is pressing ahead with this divorce in what seems nothing other than an irrational speed. In a way i feel the same way. The older one continues to feed me hurtful stories such as the lock out incident recently and although it gets to me and the ex continues to tell people her daughters just a liar, I have seen enough to know not everything that little girl says is a lie. The following morning I came across more items that appeared to be missing from the house again and when I was once again told that he had given items to family members without even discussing it with me, I became very upset and hurt. Her loneliness for her family is strong. Get on yur knees & Let him fight your battles. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. Recently we tried to get this back but he does not find me attractive although I am slim, fit and look young for my age. Terrific article, and do agree as my special area is helping couples reignite that passion, trust, desire. And i did love her very much at the time, thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her as well. I dont know what to do, pls I desperately need help. Now all I want is bed and tears. Hes cut that off and I am bereft no kiss, no cuddle, no sweet goodbye when he sees me off to work. Trent Shelton on Facebook is a great motivational speaker. The only one I feel sad about is our son, they used to be so close ,its as though he is jealous of how his own sons life is going so great, has his dream job , his youth and health and trys to make US feel guilty about HIS life choices that he still insists on taking , even though the jobs he takes are for longer spells on the other side of the world and with every excuse why he cant phone , email ( no or little Internet ) give out his address or even post a letter, cant send him birthday cards or presents ( post to expensive and cant trust the mail ) When you are ready to tell your story Wendy , you will be amazed on how it flows.