Id like to hear your take on my situation. All I would like is a chance to let him know I realise that. She seems more open to have a laugh, when I talk about the future it doesnt seem to have entered her mind that Im not in it. This makes a lot of sense when we look at how the brain processes love and hate. Doing everything herself, w/o you? About 8 months ago I tried to commit suicide. Sometimes I feel as though he feels the same but we dont want to hurt each other and separate. He said he wasnt sure. I have been ducking calls from my siblings and friends as they will ask me how I am doing and not good is not what I want to tell them,in case tings do turn around I dont want them looking differently towards my wife if they knew what pain she caused me. I choose to love myself and to aim for my own happiness. Were both very honest with each other, I know he loves me, Ive never questioned that. Will he love me again? There is no way I could make a suggestion w/o knowing what you are learning from your life coach and therapist. Fortunately, the sporadic bouts of hate you may experience when your beloved's habits and behaviors get on your nerves can coexist with your love for him or her. I love him so much and he is my king. And sexual encounter just happened. During such heated moments, you may find each other highly repulsive. he is 24 and i am 32, he know about it but i cant help but feel that the age gap is too big. Every time I got my hopes up that he was changing reality would slap me in the face. Just recently, he went drinking with his friends, and he seemed depressed and distant, though he was going through some crisis. Some examples might help. This broke my heart because Ive put and given up so much for her and always said this was forever, but to realise she doesnt feel the same way broke me! He, and therefore we, has been fine for the last several years, but is now going through it again. You deserved to be dumped. People in the band began to call him names like security cause he wanted to be everywhere I was & didnt want to give me a small little space , I mean ? as he texted him on facebook. I gave them a time limit, saying Id be back in around 20 minutes. We got together with her on Boxing Day. We fell in love and she broke from those two relationships, but I think I must have harbored resentment from that dificult transition that took a year, because our relationship has been stressed. My husband was madly in love with me and treated me like a queen for most of our relationship. Thank you, I would love some help with my tale of woe. Right now, what happened within the last 2 wks was that she said not to call her anymore. You Think About Them More Than Anyone Else. Great. I really mean intimacy: Sharing your soul. I asked for a sit down with her to discuss our problems. The thought of not being with him hurts . Now we're married.". Loving and hating someone at the same time is not necessarily a contradiction, but it does create profound emotional dissonance. Now all his money just goes there and he gives me a little bit from each check. How can I get myself to a better place? Ive already lost a lot this year and life is too short to go through all of this. She believes they have a connection and she is happy with him. But he told her every little detail about me and our marriage. As he drew away from me , I confronted him to what was really wrong with him, he told me he fell out of love with me. So whats falling out of love? I realized I had the problem and now am with the most amazing man. Along with random dirty videos from I dont know who and of course pics. He understands he stepped over my boundaries, I understand that I didnt say specifics in the first place (I should have expressed that kissing was out of bounds, that I didnt want him touching her yet, etc. Needless to say we dont get along, but my fianc say has now brought up the issue that I dont show him enough affection so he drinks and takes off. I was upset that he went out with his friend who treated me really badly a few years ago. He sent me an email. Anything but this constant pain I feel. Thank you I am so sad and feeling so guilty. You must remind these things to yourself every day because you have no reason to be desperate. He says hes changed and wants to be a better husband and father. She almost diedfor 2 mos in the NICU. I also havent been in a serious relationship for 5years and I have been told Im not getting the point or that Im manipulative and I dint see it. i have been with this guy since march last year overseas then when i got home we didnt stop being in touch the whole year and this christmas he came with his mom. My questions are these, can she fall back in love with me? He always told me he didnt want to lose me and would do everything for us to be together very often and that this would be temporary (2 years) and then would come back and wed have a kid (!) I returned an hour later simply because it was 10PM on New Years Day and I couldnt find a place to go. I suggest she get counseling to help her figure this out. They can still be gentlemen and not blaming. My husband and I have been together for 11 years. While this form of profession has undeniably beautiful payouts (not monetarily ;D) it often plagues me with a self critical view that nothing I make is quite good enough. I Just wish he had been honest about everything. I feel like I may have just blown everything out of proportion. 3 Keys to a Spectacular Marriage is on the menu of my site. When I started dating my girlfriend, she went back to her ex and they kissed. I am extremely hurt by this man. He would react and tell me he believed me. I love him more than anything and hes the love of my life. It was never his fault at all. Is there anything I can do to try and save this? This person left me scared for her life in the person I turned out to be. First of all, you must NOT be desperate. You need to find yourself academically, vocationally, spiritually, emotionally. She tells me not to make the breakup hard on myself, she claims she feels fine and just wants to put it all behind her. I have since learned that I have abandonment ptsd and it manifested in ways that ultimately destroyed our relationship. I get home the next day and she breaks up with me and says I am not in her future. just please be honest with me if it. Or should I wait that he does it. But nothing more. Dr. Deb with all this being the case can I prove to him that was not truly me and I can make him happy. And I realized what Id been the past year. We are very much in love now, 2 years later, and I do have trust in him but I feel it never fully built up because he shattered it during the most fragile stage. I made a very unhealthy environment for anyone to be around me and I kick my self today for having make the mistakes that I did. I felt like i fell out of love with her when I read that. May I suggest you go to a couples therapist so as to (a) help him understand you and (b) develop the strength to gently point out to his mom that your relationship comes first. You are on the right track. Also the American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy (aamft.org) has information. I will admit she is much more Cultured and obtains a greater intelligence than I posess. His behavior sounds lazy and selfish, I know. All I know about love ( from 10 years of marriage) is that the only way to love a person, is to love them even when they dont deserve it. How long do I stay silent? She is my first real long term relationship but its mainly because Im very specific on who I want to give myself too. Hi Clara That is part of what it means to be vulnerable. and this girl i love, shes lost trust in me. We fought a lot about money and being broke and our intimate life became non-existent and problems in the bedroom because how much we fought and never settled anything. My spouse is trying to be patient, but I still dont think he really gets the emotional toll his affair had on me, even though it was several years ago. I am so unhappy with my marriage and in the plans of leaving once I return from a job. I was once an avid reader & someone who found such peace in hand knitting or in the simple gift of watering our garden & knowing the relief it brought to our plants. Today we have talked about the situation and I understand that I totally humiliated him in front of our friends plus numerous other people because we were at a club where he is a member. He was planning to move out and then he told me last night he didnt want to walk out on my daughter after he had promised her to stay. Plan fun activities to do together. I have now put everything out on the table, I have genuinely apologized and have asked him to not give up on us. Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship we been together for a year and a month and sometimes i ask myself am i losing feelings for her bc during the summer one day i got this weird feeling in my chest and it wasnt a good feeling at all it made me question myself and my relationship bc i told my gf i think im losing feelings bc the feeling didnt seem to go away and i felt really bad cause i think i hurt her .i left to go on vacation and we decided to go on a break so i could think the feeling kinda went away but then again it didnt wen i got bac from vacation we started talkin again and sum weeks or months later the feeling started coming bac its like a weight that on my chest or my chest is geting tight i still dont know what it is till this day bc sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes and somtimes it never goes away What im trynna say is am i losing feelings for her? I am happy for her and shes happy for me. It doesnt add up, I know. This is a terribly sad and painful experience in your life that will take time to heal from. Is he happy? so for her to say a matter of hours later its over came completely out of the blue! He told me the next day that he almost walked out. I used it on my girlfriend for 9 months. Not 10 words were shared between them & I didnt get out of the car other than to change seats so my husband could drive us home. That said, I would not think this will work while he has someone else in the wings. Some days feel normal. We were asked to write questions which we could work through. I was short on money last week and he had some from selling a TV he wasnt using. He knows flat out if he ever cheats I will leave. I asked if he knew she was here? I dont know what to do but I need advice I cant move on cause my heart belongs to her. Thank you so much for responding and here goes. I dont know what to do. Daniel, And he left and I never spoke to him until a couple of months ago on Facebook and when I spoke to him he seemed so angry all he kept saying was leave me alone dont talk to me, the day I left high school I never planned on talking to u again. No one.. The last few months we have come very close to breaking up. All friends and family who I discussed this with thought I should leave him but no one but him and I could understand that we had such a deep connection despite his actions. Is It normal to put up barriers to feel nothing and to cut people out of your life? Eventually I told him Im done either the verbal abuse ends now or we stop dating. After talking with a very close friend Id come to see that he was toxic, made things move too fast, and when something ticked him off, it actually triggered something oddly hostile in him. This may require therapy or through exercises in a course (such as the one I will be bringing out in about 2 months) or self-help books. I would love to show I was wrong in the beginning for ignorance. I dont know if its depression along with anger or if its time to just walk away He didnt seem to like that very much. After reading this article I know now that my unfulfilled promises of improving myself had hurt him deeply. In order to have a meaningful relationship with another person, you need to be able to be yourself. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. So my stuff is up there shes living 2 hours away from where I am now. Part of me says how do you walk from a man youve loved for so long. We are in a long-distance relationship, but we were a very happy couple. Does anyone feel this way too? Not just for him, but to everyone around me. The anxiety has brought so much stuff up that bother me (things that didnt bother me or wouldnt bother anyone but the anxiety and depression and adhd are making me irretated all the time) Any advice? The one thing I wish I could change about him is his inability towards insight. Her son was a school friend of this youngster. Can you talk while he is in the military or is he overseas? She is used to just keeping things inside, and I think she is finally full and its starting to seep out of the cracks. During that time, i became close with a guy. How does one fall in love again? What If the one who falls in love realizes after marriage that who they fell in love with is not real, aka, a passive aggressive narcissist? It was because a stranger at the airport asked me for directions and according to my boyfriend I wasnt very useful to him as my sense of directions isnt great so I should have asked him for help instead of giving answer myself. I didnt want to risk losing someone else. for the past months i was the one whos paying for our dates, sometimes he will pay for the meal and i will pay for the movies, but most of the time i was the one who pays a lot. But not all these were my new friends. I feel lost and sad. How can I tear diwn the wall that has been built around her that bears my name? Hello dr. How can I forgive someone who isnt there and supporting you when your having a hard time grieving? He has told me that with everything going on in his life, with his kids, etc, that our relationship was supposed to be the easy place and it wasnt. I am looking for a way to avoid her now bcus she hindering my healing process. You deserve better and there is better trust me. I realise that this is not going to be helpful for him in overcoming his issues with alcohol. But we still came back to each other. It may be helpful to work through your feelings and concerns with a qualified and compassionate mental health professional, even if you seek help on your own. he say yes . The love of my life wouldnt even hear me out, or let me apologize to his face or consider forgiveness. Ps; he has said he wants a year apart. Trust cannot be mended by him saying he will never do the things he did again, especially when he has already been caught and it brought us to counseling. Your expertise would be greatly appreciated. This took my self esteem to the ground always thinking something was wrong with me. But I had left town. I know it sounds weird that I am sixteen and so young but if you have ever gotten that feeling like hes the one and you just feel so comfortable around him you would understand. I had been texting him now I am not going to. He loves me very much i know. (we have a home together and pets that are like children) but I am torn. Your husband needs help. Then he said the situation cant be fixed because you are who you are and you cant change a persons personality. My husband is a cheater after, I had twins it continue and I know that I care for him but down deep inside I hate him. I am crushed. I approached him with the way I felt about a situation in a mature way, and now he is pushing me away and saying he needs time alone. After my Graduation, I joined the US Army and have been doing great until this position. I owe him that much, I owe him happiness..even if it isnt with me. One. Hello dr Thanks! We started arguing and fighting everyday. She was not home either bur I told get I was there. I met a guy you loved me from last 5 years but told me last year . I had to accept his new life abroad and now we are back together. Please help. I have stepped up to the plate,taking on more than my share of household responsibilities, provided lavish gifts and opened the line of communication because I am no longer blind to the fact and finally aware and want to make this work. All I want now is to hate him. Love can turn to hate in a matter of minutes. Im special to her, but she seems too hurt. This was all last month (August). Should I wait him to contact me or should I make the move and give him my support? Can Good Relationship Experiences Change Attachment Styles? She was like a guy came last night and cause trouble and that he took her car key. If theres any lesson in this its just to be honest with people bc the damage caused from lying is not worth it. She said she still loves me but does not want anything to do with me anymore. She was new to town and I had grown up in the area we met, so I welcomed her into my family and showed her many things about the new area she was living helping her adjust to her new transition. So using that profile I made a tinder to see if he was there, which he wasnt, but his cousin was. I helped him concur some of his demons and even helped him break an alcohol addiction (Which I didnt pick up his addiction until later on in our relationship). She said anytime she sees me she thinks of the woman I cheated with because she saw a picture of us on my phone from the messages she discovered. Hello Dr. Deb Im sorry to keep having to say that on this thread, but that is the way I feel. This is because that is the only profession that deems it fine for the same therapist to see both members of a couple alone. What makes for feeling in love? It all blew up on my birthday this year. It is still incredibly raw. She denies point blank that I did nothing for her. I was naive in thinking that not reaching my goals wouldnt hurt anyone. Perhaps he was always an unhappy person? I was just like you say you are my gr8 off 3yrs and didnt even notice I was doin that. That I am to blame. Nelson Mandela It is harder to hate a person after you have prayed for them. Right now she lives with her babyfather which I know there is 60% chance something is wrong there but Im not concerned much about that. Is this repairable at this point? sent pictures to each other we talked and chatted I really am happy with my newfound love interest, but i sometimes feel like theres an emotional block preventing me from having deeper feelings for her. Some are really painful. We are due to go counselling very soon but her heart is not in it and I fear my actions have lost me my wife. it seems like he wont be able to get that out of his mind right now. But I am puzzled how you can talk about borrowing from my money when you are married and it is both your money. I email her from where I was and tell her I was taking time to reflect on my behavior and how I could better react next time. In fact, the brain chemistry in love is very much like the chemistry of the brain in addictions. We were even engaged at one point but he took the ring back because we were butting heads so much. wait ? 4. how to get him back again ? Im planning on trying to carry myself as if I had no worries in the world. Help. This kind of practice has spread throughout []. We both love each other very much but she has told me that she has been holding back her feelings to spare me and now she feels that she has neglected to take care if her own feelings. My feelings arent there at all. I dont want to have it end and then face the same thing that he did Because i doubt hed get back together a 3rd time because he is a sensitive guy and doesnt want either of us to hurt again. I have been taken advantage of by a girl I love and we dont even have kids together. So I just feel stuck! Since day 1 we have both been crazy about each other up until a few months ago where Ive started to suffer from anxiety. Each time we have been intimate since the separation he says he can never feel the same about me or get over it. I cried all through the holiday season. He/she matters to you. This man really does make me a better person, but there have been other lies in our relationship from him I dont know what to do honestly. 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